A Solider for Truth

1st June 2011

Text

new goal

gain everything i ever wanted, and then giving it up.

5th May 2011

Text

ignorant

i’m the person that loves to find the grain of truth in a bed of sand.

i love to find out that half of the things i was ever taught, was a lie.

but when i think of the person, i cared about and although it was superficial

and although it has been years since i seen her. i always wanted to know why she

ended it. but when i think about it, i’m happy she just left without a word. because if

i knew the truth and if i wasn’t ignorant now, then i feel like i would have little hope.

ignorance is bliss. one day, i hope i can handle the sad truth of my high school heart

break, but until then i’m still searching. For what, i’m still unsure. this is one of my

quest, and my hope is not gone yet.

25th April 2011

Text

im starting to feel rather hopeless

questioning if anything is worth it

searching for something i can devote my life to

feeling apathetic

questioning who you really are

and your nature.

i hope i can agree.

30th March 2011

Text

“i am happy, that is the saddest lie”

you know what i struggle with?

i struggle with growing apart. i hate being close friends with someone and losing it instantly. i hate facebook, because it will remind me of all my close friends, and i realize that we will no longer have time for each other. i hate it so much, that i have trust issues and even question my current relationships. i hate being so close to God, and feeling absolutely nothing the next day. i hate it so much that i pack my schedule as much as possible, so i wont be able to think about it. But when i’m alone and it’s late in my room, the loneliness overcomes.

“I was close to go an try some coke
And a happy ending would be slitting my throat
Ignorance the coke man
Ignorance is bliss
Ignorance is love and I need that shit”

5th March 2011

Text

Brother in Christ - Jon Pak

damn man. it sucks that bad things happen to good people. like my good friend, brother, and warrior, Jonathan Pak. It has only been months but it seems like years since i chilled with him. chilling in his room, studying together, encouraging each other, and just helping each other fight the fight. i hope he realizes how much i look up to him. and how much i miss, care, and love him. i wish i can express my love more easily. i remember this one time we were talking about God. and he was vulnerable to me, saying i’m scared that i will break down if i open up in church. or something like that. and i could barely understand what he was going through. but i knew his struggles. so i just want you to know, bro. what you are going through, although may seem tiring and unfair. it will not go in vain. i am growing because i am hoping so much for you and your family. i am praying that God will restore our hearts. you got this bro, God got your back. so brothers, and sisters let us pray for him. because he is one of our own. he is from the same pack. Dear God, i pray that you will break his heart and the hearts of his family, so that you will be glorified. give him the strength. Thank you.

p.s. he’s been attending a church, and i have lost the will to even go to any of the great churches in boston. but bro, after our video chat, i was so encouraged by your faith and courage. thank you, Lord for allowing a brother like this in my life. WE MISS YOU JON PAK. WE CANT WAIT FOR YOUR RETURN. STAY STRONG.

Tags pakjon

15th February 2011

Text

dead and gone

“no regrets i’m blessed today the old me dead and gone away”

Lord, everyday i feel like a new person. And its not always for the good. some days i can worship you all day and night, while some days are just filled with misery and hate. One ideology here one day and gone the other. Lord, sometimes i want to abandon our relationship. Lord, there are many dark desires i have,will you fight for me?

-the undeserving clay, Sunny.

8th February 2011

Text

happy

thanks God. i haven’t been this happy for so long and it’s all because of you. i knew all the misery would be worth it, if it meant that i got to learn more about you. i learned this past sunday that i am a religious bastard with a wicked heart and not a true christian. i learned that i do have few true friends, that will tell me the truth even if it means me hating it. i learned so much and yet i still know so little. so once again, Lord, bring on the pain, misery, and failures. cause i know it will all be worth it, when i fall more and more in love with you. hallelujah, you will never fail.

p.s. if anyone wants to know what made me so happy, then lets hang out and ill tell you about what God has done for me.

28th January 2011

Text

the fight

i hate waking up, knowing whats waiting for me: another war full of suffering. i hate it and i hate complaining about it, cause i know i am more than blessed. but at times, there are doubts, and attacks on me. somehow i keep forgetting why i started my tumblr site. to remind myself, that i am a solider and to remind others that they are soldiers too. all we have to do is hope. hope for a better day, hope you are pleasing to God. hope that God will save you again. and Father, all my hope is in you. cause i know everything i do in life without you is failure. so Father, i ask you to continue the send on the suffering on my brothers, sisters, and me. because when i see you in heaven, i want to be without armor. i want to be as badly broken and hurt by the world, as Jesus was. i want to stand by you and feel unashamed. Father, i want you to be proud of me. so Lord, please send everything my way. let me be your son, let me be a history maker like Paul, let me know you more. this is what i pray. thank you.

13th January 2011

Text

evil

Father? are you there? i feel so lost and broken inside. its getting ridiculous, i cant even think straight. evil images, and a corruption is all i can think of. fabricating scenarios where i die. fantasizing about drugs and temporary measures. anger, jealousy, despair, and lonely thoughts are all that come to mind. questioning your authority and my salvation. questioning if anything in my life has any meaning to you. asking if i am just a pawn, in your world. father, pour down your grace. open my eyes and heart. i cant last any longer without your voice. i miss you.

31st December 2010

Text